Rob Parker Gets Dopeslapped for Saying 'Father Time Will Catch Up to Tom Brady'. Again.

Rob Parker: “Father time will catch up to Tom Brady.”
Jason McIntyre: “You’ve been saying that for 3 years!”

Your time is valuable to me. So if you’re in a hurry and you must, skip to the 9:30 mark to hear Rob Parker get dragged for the same stupid, pointless, discredited prediction he’s been making about Tom Brady being at the end of the line for a lot longer than three years. In fact, has probably been saying for 20 years, but I for one never started paying attention until he got in on the Deflategate hysteria in early 2015.

But if you have the time, catch the whole thing. From Greg Jennings insightful, reasoned analysis, admiring Brady’s drive, effort and professionalism as only someone who has competed against him in recent memory could. Or, skip ahead a few minutes and enjoy the nonstop hilarity of Parker trying to have it both ways. To say Brady doesn’t deserve credit for winning (last year’s AFC championship game) while trying to blame him for losses where he set records that will never be touched by anyone but Brady (Super Bowl LII).

But mostly just appreciate the warped, pretzel logic of a man so filled with resentment that he’ll say anything to diminish what Tom Brady has accomplished. No matter how demonstrably false it is. Let me cite one example. Only one, because again, your time is precious.

Rob Parker just said that Brady’s bad throws are “coming more often than not.” Here are Brady’s career Completion % numbers, sorted from high to low:

2007: 68.9 %
2016: 67.4 %
2017: 66.3 %
2010: 65.9 %
2018: 65.8 %

So last season was the fifth most accurate of his career. Bested only by the two previous seasons, the one where he became the first unanimous MVP in league history, and another MVP season where he broke the record for touchdown passes and went 16-0. That is the trend Rob Parker looks at and sees “bad throws coming more often than not.” Got it.

The thing is, I’m not even mad. And while I make fun, I’m not even sure it’s funny. At this point, I feel more sympathy for Rob Parker than anything else. His argument that Brady sucks is important to him. Even sacred. He loves the idea and can’t let it go. It’s the Mufasa to his Simba. And watching him walk around its lifeless body that Brady killed, performance by performance, championship by championship, begging it to get up while it just lies their dead is just sad now.

But sometimes you’ve got to laugh in the face of sad moments like this. So let this supercut of this bitter little knucklehead being wrong time and time and time again put a smile on your face.

It always cheers me up.